Ọlánrewájú “Bright Feather”

Ọlánrewájú 'Bright Feather' Adéwálé is the best-preened bird in public life and knows it. He arrived at the Ministry of Egg Affairs with a five-point agenda, a portrait wall, and the firm belief that the State of the Shell address deserved better lighting. Even his critics concede the Census has never been presented so beautifully.

Then came the Missing Breakfast Grain Affair: two hundred grams of premium cracked maize, signed out to the minister's office and never signed back in. Kola Quill's investigation ran for five front pages. An eight-member Panel of Inquiry was constituted. It produced a white paper. The white paper produced a sub-committee. The grain, at last, was located, 'behind the minister's second filing perch, where it had been placed for safekeeping', and returned to the national store with immediate effect.

The apology tour that followed was a masterclass: contrite but well-lit, remorseful but punctual, and closing at every stop with the now-immortal line about transparency, accountability, and breakfast. His approval ratings emerged higher than before. The Republic has chosen to find this funny rather than alarming, which may be the wisest thing a republic can do.

He and Kola Quill maintain a rivalry of perfect mutual profit: the minister supplies the headlines, the correspondent supplies the scrutiny, and each privately considers the other essential.