PANEL SUBMITS WHITE PAPER; GRAIN RETURNED 'WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT'
Found: behind the minister's second filing perch, 'where it had been placed for safekeeping.' The apology tour begins Monday.
By Kọ́lápọ̀ Ọ̀nàbánjọ, Chief Correspondent · 28 May 2026
The Panel of Inquiry into the Missing Breakfast Grain, eight members, three sittings, one adjournment for the afternoon feed, has submitted its white paper, and the Republic's longest-running mystery has ended where these mysteries so often end: behind the furniture.
The 200 grams of premium cracked maize were located intact behind the Minister of Egg Affairs' second filing perch, 'where they had been placed for safekeeping,' per the white paper, 'by a party or parties acting from an abundance of caution.' The grain has been returned to the national store with immediate effect, weighed twice at the insistence of the New Grain Alliance, and found not merely complete but, owing to settling, arguably improved.
Minister Adéwálé will undertake a national apology tour beginning Monday, with stops at all four coops and, 'schedule permitting,' the mango tree. Asked whether he would resign, the minister said he preferred 'to remain and rebuild trust, which is also less work for everyone than a reshuffle.'
Our editorial position appears on the back page in its entirety: 'We thank the filing perch for its cooperation.'