farm announcement
KISI EGGS: NOW TAKING ORDERS
Fresh eggs from the hens of the Republic, collected daily and packed the same morning. Here is how to order a crate.
By Kisi Farm · 16 July 2026
The Republic's newspaper of record · est. before the water tank
The Coop Times
“All the news that's fit to peck.”
politics
500,000 GRAINS: ASSEMBLY PUTS A BOUNTY ON THE DRAIN
A unanimous vote, seconded by the Leader of the Opposition herself, and a new Minister of Security with a two-sentence acceptance speech.
By Assembly Desk · 15 July 2026
society
BANTU IS GONE. TWELVE CHICKS ARE NOT.
The night watchman of Coop Two heard the drainage grate move, gave the alarm, and did not leave the doorway. The Republic is counting what he saved.
By Kọ́lápọ̀ Ọ̀nàbánjọ · 10 July 2026
politics
MAMA GOLD'S LAW PASSES SECOND READING AMID SINGING
The Senior Hen Retirement Protection Act clears its second reading as the public gallery abandons procedure for song.
By Assembly Desk · 20 June 2026
sports
RAIN STOPS PLAY; ADAORA DOESN'T
The Perch Jumping Final produces the Republic's new signature sporting moment, and a soaked, roaring, entirely satisfied nation.
By Sports Desk · 14 June 2026
society
CHI-CHI LAYS FIRST EGG; REPUBLIC DECLARES PUBLIC HOLIDAY
The nation's most-followed pullet delivers at last, and delivers a four-word address that instantly enters the national vocabulary.
By Kọ́lápọ̀ Ọ̀nàbánjọ · 2 June 2026
politics
PANEL SUBMITS WHITE PAPER; GRAIN RETURNED 'WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT'
Found: behind the minister's second filing perch, 'where it had been placed for safekeeping.' The apology tour begins Monday.
By Kọ́lápọ̀ Ọ̀nàbánjọ · 28 May 2026
investigation
EXCLUSIVE: WHERE DID 200 GRAMS GO?
Premium cracked maize signed out of the national store to the office of the Minister of Egg Affairs has not been signed back in. The Coop Times begins asking the only question that matters.
By Kọ́lápọ̀ Ọ̀nàbánjọ · 11 May 2026
politics
'A NATION THAT EATS LATE, LAYS LATE', THE PRESIDENT'S ADDRESS
On the anniversary of Executive Order No. 1, President Adédoyin restates the doctrine that built her career, her government, and her nickname.
By Presidency Desk · 2 May 2026
interview
THREE MINUTES WITH QUIET GRACE
After two seasons of polite requests, the Republic's most private citizen grants The Coop Times an exclusive interview. She says nothing. It is more than enough.
By Kọ́lápọ̀ Ọ̀nàbánjọ · 18 April 2026