EXCLUSIVE: WHERE DID 200 GRAMS GO?
Premium cracked maize signed out of the national store to the office of the Minister of Egg Affairs has not been signed back in. The Coop Times begins asking the only question that matters.
By Kọ́lápọ̀ Ọ̀nàbánjọ, Chief Correspondent · 11 May 2026
Documents pecked into the margin of the national feed ledger, and reviewed exclusively by The Coop Times, show that 200 grams of premium cracked maize, breakfast grade, dry-season reserve, left the national store on the authority of the Ministry of Egg Affairs eleven days ago. The return column is blank. It has stayed blank through two audits, one denial, and a ministry statement that the grain was 'not missing, merely insufficiently found.'
Minister Ọlánrewájú 'Bright Feather' Adéwálé, immaculate as ever, told reporters the matter was 'receiving the fullest attention at the highest levels,' before departing for a previously unannounced inspection of somewhere else.
Opposition leader Halima 'Iron Feathers' Danbaki, reached at her counting post, said the New Grain Alliance had 'anticipated this day, prepared for this day, and pre-printed the placards.' The presidency, for its part, notes that breakfast itself was served on time, 'which is the main thing.'
This newspaper does not allege wrongdoing. This newspaper alleges arithmetic. The ledger has two columns, and one of them is empty.